Nasty Nine: 9 Foods That Screw Up Your Health

1) Dairy

Dairy is very acidic and mucus forming, causing it to wreak havoc on your digestive system. This leads to digestive issues, gross skin, and hormonal imbalances.

2) GMOs

Plain and simple, genetically modified foods are artificial foods that our bodies weren’t designed to consume. They may look and taste the same as the real thing, but they’re not. They screw up your insides, give you cancer, and make you look and feel like shit. Soy and corn are among the biggest genetically modified crops; look for a “non-GMO” stamp if you buy anything with these ingredients.

3) Gluten

Even if you don’t have a gluten allergy, eliminating it can be beneficial. Don’t listen to douche balls that say you don’t need to give it up if you don’t have Celiac. Because gluten is difficult to digest and most of our digestive systems are screwed up from crappy foods we’ve eaten for years, I think we are all a little sensitive to it. I suggest giving it up for a month and seeing for yourself the positive change in your body and health.

4) Preservatives, Pesticides, and Other Chemicals

Does this even need to be explained? Would you drink a glass of Draino or take a shot of Raid?

5) Soy

It seems in recent years, soy has been regarded as some glorified health food, which is bazaar because it’s not.  Like I mentioned earlier, most of the soy in the U.S. is genetically modified – over 90% actually. In addition, soy contains anti-nutrients, hemagglutinin, goitrogens, phytates, and isoflavones, all of which seriously eff your body up. The only exception to this is fermented soy, which can be found in tempeh, miso, and natto.

6) Artificial Sweeteners

Real bodies are not equipped to run on artificial foods. Sweeteners like Splenda and Equal mess up our digestive systems and cause all sorts of health issues.

7) Unclean Animals

Scavengers, like pork and shellfish, are probably the nastiest foods you can eat. They are basically little garbage disposals of the earth and eat all the shit off it. So when you eat them, you are eating nothing but bacteria and toxins, which will make you look and feel super grody.

8) Sugar

I know, I know. This is a toughie. But if you really want to experience the healthiest body possible and look and feel your best, you gotta give it up. It can be a slow process, if need be; that’s how it was for me. Start by eliminating cane sugar. It messes us up and causes all kinds of neurological problems, and is basically the Miracle Grow of aging. Use coconut sugar instead; it doesn’t spike your blood sugar as much. (And don’t believe the hype about agave! It’s not some superfood and is just as damaging as cane sugar.) If you want to really see a difference in your health, skin, and energy levels, use a completely sugar-free (natural) alternative, like stevia. Erythritol is also a good alternative, but don’t use it in large quantities or it will causing cramping. For stuff like coffee and desserts, I usually use Truvia.

9) Carrageenan

Alright, so I didn’t really know this stuff was bad until a few months ago when I experienced the ice cream incident. Imagine spooky music playing as I say that, because it was horrific. Picture it.. Sicily, 1922 I’m sitting on my couch on a Friday night, watching Eat, Pray, Love, devouring a bowl of the most decadent chocolate ice cream I’ve ever tasted (and obviously the most stereotypical single girl in the world. I assure you, I do not have any cats!). So anyway, I’m basically licking the bowl and thinking I’ve hit the dessert jackpot with this stuff. It was dairy-free (made with organic coconut milk), sugar-free, and all-natural. Now fast forward to 2 a.m. when I wake up from a deep slumber with what I can only imagine labor pains to feel like (mothers don’t get mad, I know it didn’t feel like labor pains, but it hurt like a bitch so let me have my exaggeration). So I curl in the fetal position, beg God not to let me die, and cry as my dog sits on my pillow and licks my cheek.

I eventually figured out it was the carrageenan in the ice cream that caused my night from hell. While carrageenan is natural (it’s derived from seaweed), it’s not healthy. (I mean, a damn turd is natural, but would you eat one?) It’s used as a thickening and emulsifying agent and can cause inflammation (in fact, it was once used to induct inflammation in tissues to test anti-inflammatory drugs), colitis, anaphylaxis, cancers and ulcerations of the gastrointestinal tract.

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